When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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