I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
