im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
