I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
