this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
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