you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize