My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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