how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
