I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
