There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
