Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
