I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
