lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
