i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
