what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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