Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
