hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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