He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every concussion has its silver lining
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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