She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
