It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
