Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
