A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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