i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
