He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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