My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
