so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
