Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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