I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
