I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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