:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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