Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
