god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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