I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize