Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize