You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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