Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
