i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
