So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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