i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she peed on how many people?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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