so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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