Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The power of my boobs compel you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
