remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
