all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
