I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
