I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
