she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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