So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
