TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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