JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Houston, we have a squirter
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
