I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
