Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
