This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
