I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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