Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
