im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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