I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
