it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
