Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
