chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
