My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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