he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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