Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Less talking, more tequila
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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