Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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