I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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