I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
