need another drink. this is the easiest way
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
