farters have to be the big spoon...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
