plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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