I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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