i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
