She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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