Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
