1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
