batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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