He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
