woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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