she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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