the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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