I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
