just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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