hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
