hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
